A Time for Celebration

Today in Sunday school we started a DVD study on “The Purpose of Christmas” by Rick Warren. We were given a few printed out pages of information and questions we could choose to answer. I didn’t think I’d have much to say, if anything at all, but as I read the questions I decided I would definitely take the time to fill it out later. I ended up writing so much under many of the questions that I had to keep writing continuations on the backs of other pages. I thought since I found it that interesting I would share with you.

The first purpose of Christmas is to celebrate. Three reasons to celebrate are because God loves you, is with you, and for you.

Here’s a fun fact before I go on with the questions. We are told “not to be afraid” 365 times in the Bible. Like another church member stated, that says a lot about our character, that God knows to remind us of that so many times.

1. Which of the following statements is the most meaningful to you in this season of your life and why? God loves you. God is with you. God is for you.

Wow, I don’t know. They do all tie in together. It means much that God loves me because everyone wants to be loved and cared for; and He loves me even though I’ve done or gone against Him and His ways so many times. He will forgive me for anything. He loves me anyway. It means much that God is with me because there is so much hurt, despair, and uncertainty out in this world and that can make us worry and stress about things we don’t even have any control over or that don’t actually even matter so much (like what someone “thinks” of you), but if we keep in mind and believe that God is with us at all times; no matter what, then we don’t have to waste so much time and energy on things such as worry and fear. That God is with me especially means much to me personally because at this time in my life I find it hard to face even the “simple” and “daily” things of life; the things that I know the majority of other people never even (seem) to think twice about doing. Remembering that God is always with me helps me draw the needed courage and strength I need. Through the big or small things, God will be with you; and even if things don’t turn out the way you had hoped or expected, or it seems to be all wrong or hopeless, it will work out in time. That God is for me means much because often times I do find that it can feel like others are against me in some way; that they don’t care how I am or how I feel, and that I am not wanted, needed, or appreciated. To know that someone wants me to be well and happy can help keep me going at the hardest of times. God wants my life to be full of goodness, even regardless of what I’ve done in the past.

2. Read Romans 8:35-39. Underline the phrase that means the most to you and briefly explain why.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?...No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39 NLT)

Because to hear that nothing can separate us from God, who gives us all, is a great comfort.

3. Psalm 68:6 says, “God sets the lonely in families.” How has God used your family, friends, or even this group to help you experience his love?

Personally, right now, I stay very lonely for others who share my love in Christ. I have very recently rededicated my life to Jesus and for the first time in the 10+ years I have “professed” to be a Christian I am actually seeking Him out and learning and yearning for it more than my own pleasures and comforts in life. I spend a lot of time by myself and I don’t have a job, a vehicle of my own, the know how to go out myself anyway, and I’m far from the “main” group of people – family and friends, that I know well. I try to fill a good amount of my free time with learning about Jesus, but I find myself wanting to speak or be with another person so badly that it becomes a huge distraction and I can’t concentrate, but only let my mind wander. I have a fairly big community or network of online friends that I keep in touch with, but most of them don’t have the free time that I do (which I understand and respect), and many do not share my faith. I do not hesitate to put my beliefs out there in posts and such, but I don’t get much feedback, and as badly as I’d like to hear responses, I don’t like to push anyone. But in all of this I find myself feeling very alone and even depressed at times, because I love to share and feel I have no one to share with. I have a limited, but wonderful, amount of friends and family who have helped me to experience God’s love. A friend I went to elementary and high school with was the first to bring Jesus to my attention in a serious way. She told me that she wanted me to go to Heaven. A co-worker of my mother’s invited me to a church that I attended much of my high school years; she was also my ride back and forth along with many other kids. An aunt of mine shows great interest in my walk with God. She encourages me and tries to help with tools such as books and events. She brought a praise and worship service called “Rhythm” to my attention and while it’s too far from me to attend regularly, they have a website with podcasts to listen to. I have learned so much about the Bible in such a short time just from listening and I look forward to more and more of it. I have some friends and family members who read and accept my prayer requests online and it is great to know they are there. This church I have recently joined by baptism has been making an incredible difference for me and this loneliness. They are very friendly and keep me and my husband (even though he hasn’t officially joined yet) feeling included. It really helps me even though I mostly only see them on Sundays and it’s generally a limited amount of interaction. My husband and I have been helping with Christmas services. We have brought in poinsettias to set up, we have hung a wreath, and next Sunday we are going to read scripture and light candles for the Advent, which I’m very nervous about, by the way. Last week I went with some church members to volunteer at the Samaritan’s Purse for the “Operation Christmas Child” program and that was an amazing experience and it felt great to be doing something that felt really useful for once. I hope to keep getting more involved over time and find places to be and things to do that God intends for me and to do it with others who want the same.

4. If you really believe God is for you and not against you, what is one thought, attitude, or behavior you need to change?

Oh, but there are so many I am working on, and probably more I haven’t yet discovered or am somehow managing to ignore. I definitely need to change my negative thinking that I do so much of. I tend to worry and stress over things that sometimes don’t even matter 5 minutes later; and stressing over the things that do matter doesn’t help anything. It’s only a waste of time and energy, and it’s only making things feel worse, not better. As Joyce Meyers talks about in “Battlefield of the Mind”, we often worry ourselves sick over worst case scenarios that never even happen. What good did that worrying do? I think all of us have trouble leaving things with God though. If I didn’t worry so much about those “simple” things like I mentioned before, I might not be alone so much like I am, because even if things don’t work out like I think they ought to, it will be okay, because God is for me! He doesn’t want things to be wrong for me. He wants to make them all right!

5. Now that you know how much God loves you, how will that affect the way you celebrate Christmas this year?

Well, this is definitely the first Christmas I have really realized some of the depths of God’s love and I’m starting to have a different outlook on every little thing in life. It was decided months ago, because of our current financial situation, that my husband and I aren’t buying any gifts for friends or family, or even each other this year. I find that I am quite surprised with myself; that it doesn’t bother me more as Christmas draws nearer, because I have always loved and enjoyed choosing gifts for loved ones. But I find myself feeling more at peace and like I can simply enjoy this time with the ones I love more. I can see children definitely receiving gifts at Christmas time, but as an adult, I know that a lot of us have plenty of “stuff” and it seems to me that often times we make it too much of a priority to get everyone we know a gift and while the gift might be very nice, it only ends up being another thing the person didn’t really need and takes up more of their space in their home, and the person that bought it stressed over finding it far too much and spent far too much money than they ought to have. Are we all really just making ourselves miserable in an effort to do something that isn’t necessary to please each other? I think we’d all be happier to just enjoy each other and at the end of it all maybe we’d not be so worn out and broke. The only part that has been bothering me about not having the ability to spend on extra is the constant want to help those I hear of that are in need. I hope that in Christmases to come (and throughout the rest of the years too) I can have that extra spending money for those many opportunities that arise during the Christmas season for such things. I would like to focus on love more than anything else. I’ve also been considering finding new traditions to start that will focus on celebrating God’s love more. My ideas on Christmas and how and why to celebrate it have changed a great deal because of God’s love.

These next parts are from a section on prayer. It helps you to get started on what you’d like to pray about by reading and then filling in the blanks. Here are the prayers and what I prayed. The blanks to fill in are what I have underlined.

Lord, I thank You for caring so much for me. God, I need help with implementing Your ways into my life. Jesus, I’m trusting You with helping me find ways to learn and do Your will.

Father, today I learned of more scriptures that really meant much to me, such as, the ones to do with the fact that You love me, are with me, and for me. I also learned more about Rick Warren’s, “The Purpose of Christmas,” which I had heard only a little about before and was curious.

Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity and ability to come to the church and be with others who want to live for You, and for all the tools for learning You have been sending my way.

Dear God, this Christmas I hope to be able to celebrate Jesus with many others, and to help and reach out to at least one person and truly make a difference.

Lord, I am so grateful for the great abundance of things You have given me, although I often times get so caught up in what I’m used to that I want for far too much more and take for granted the many things many others don’t have at all.

Father, help me see the paths You have laid out for me and not the fears that appear, and how to go about reaching out and helping others.

Lord, help me celebrate the true things in life, such as You, and such as friends, family, and all those wondrous things that make life full and amazing; that make us happy not only temporarily, and to celebrate Christmas and all other things as would be pleasing to You.

Forgive me, Lord, for my stubborn ways and the wicked habits I have yet to break free of. Please forgive me for the times I have chosen to shut You out or decided to do things on my own terms. Forgive me for the times I have been lazy, cruel to others, and self absorbed. Forgive me for holding onto worldly things when You are all I need.

Father, I pray for all people across the world this Christmas. May those who know You continue to grow in You and spread Your joyous Word out to others. May those who don’t know You have the opportunity to learn about You and the great love You have to share.

Lord, help my family to see what You and Your ways can do. Help them to find the true important things of this world.

Because this was only from the first part of the DVD, I might have more to share later on, but I’m not sure if I will add it to this blog or make a new one. We’ll see.

If you would like to fill these questions out yourself, I think it would be not only awesome but super awesome and I would enjoy it very much. You can just let me know that you did or you can share with me as I did you. If you don’t believe in Jesus as I do, don’t let that stop you from answering the prayer parts. You can simply say the things you want and/or feel. I would love to hear from you either way, whether you want to share what you wrote or not, and whether you believe or not.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

-ladyworpledinker

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

I am going to be baptized soon. I started attending a church near my home at the beginning of this year and I am joining by baptism. I made the decision in August and although I was not sure how quickly things would progress I did expect it to happen very soon after that. The pastor has had a leg injury and wanted more time to make sure he could shift my weight, and the weight of others. I do think he said there were others that wanted to be baptized as well. It has not been a problem to wait. As the past month or so has gone by though, I have begun to think it was truly for the best. I have not changed my mind. I want it more. It means more.

In a past blog about my joining by baptism I talked a bit about how I have been saved for about 10 years; that I have been a Christian for 10 years. Now that almost feels like a lie. I have believed in God and I have believed that Jesus died for my sins, but have I really cared? In that past blog and another I also mentioned what I call “tweaking.” Tweaking is to ignore certain parts of the Word or “tweak” them to make them suit you and your lifestyle or to simply be agreeable with someone else’s so as not to be uncomfortable. A huge example of tweaking on my part, and I am sure of many people, has been to allow certain things in my life that I do feel and know are wrong, but justify these “small guilty pleasures” with the fact that I feel I am a good person and I do these other nice things in my life, and so it balances out. As Candace Cameron Bure said in her speech from the Extraordinary Women Conference this year, this adds up to you as a good person by the world’s standard; not God’s; and that when we compare our sin to the standard of the world we all come up reasonably clean, but when we compare our sin to God’s law and God’s standard we find that we are filthy dirty. Candace also mentions the fact that so many of us have this God created in our minds that is an all forgiving God and basically that if we are decent and good people (again, by the world’s standard) then we will not be sent to Hell. She uses an example of a person that has committed a crime and is awaiting sentencing from a judge. This person cannot say they are sorry and be on their way. No, they have to pay for their crime. If God is a just and truthful God then you should be punished for your sins as it has been said, and punishment is Hell. But God is a loving God. He made it possible for us to be forgiven through Jesus Christ. Jesus paid for your crimes. Candace’s speech really touched me and I feel like I have so much more in common with her now than I would have ever imagined before. I also did not grow up in a Christian home. I also felt for most of the past 10 years that church was not especially necessary because I can talk to God anytime. I also justified some of my actions with the fact that I felt I was a better person than so and so, and at least I was not doing this and that. I was comparing myself to others to help determine my actions instead of to Jesus as I should do as a Christian. The list goes on and on. Everyone should listen to Candace’s testimony; it is worth the time. The videos are posted on this blog of mine:

http://ladyworpledinker.blogspot.com/2009/09/extraordinary-women-conference-2009.html

So, yes; I accepted Jesus into my heart those 10 years ago. I asked for forgiveness of my sins. I left out the biggest parts all this time though. I did not truly repent of my sins. I did not turn away from my sins and avoid the temptation of them. I did not seek out a closer relationship with God. I did not learn more about God and about Jesus. I basically stayed the same, just the same me with a pretty label stuck on; Christian.

For 10 years I have claimed to be a Christian, yet I know next to nothing of the Bible. I have started it before, but have never gotten very far; and that has been starting with the Old Testament. I have recently been learning; I have actually been seeking to learn. I am loving it and continue to be amazed by what I find. The apostle Paul intrigues me. I now know that “The Gospels” are four different viewpoints on the life of Jesus. I still do not know how Jesus came to be on that cross for us. How does a true Christian go 10 years without knowing that or without at least wanting and striving to find out? Should a Christian not yearn to learn more about this Jesus that was sent to save them? It is a huge deal. It is the biggest deal. It is what life after death holds in store for us. It is eternity. I have thought about it more at length and I also question how we got to this point; to this claiming to be Christians when we don’t even know our Bible; the greatest source of how and why to be a Christian. When you choose a career path; let us use a doctor as an example, you learn how to be a doctor. You study and you learn how to be a doctor and how to do things required of a doctor. Should it not be along the same lines when you become a Christian? You study and you learn how to be a Christian and how to do the things that a Christian should do. “Doctor” is not just a label. A doctor took the time and the dedication and the effort required to become a doctor. Should we not do the same as Christians? Once a person becomes a doctor; what they learn is what they do and they use that knowledge to help themselves and others. How often do Christians learn but then don’t use what they have learned to help themselves or others?

When the pastor at the church I am attending and joining came to visit Robert and I at our house; Robert asked about Bible versions. I have really wanted to read the Bible in its entirety in the past year, but have struggled with what I should be reading. As I have said before, I am done with my tweaking and I do not want to simply read what I am most comfortable with and what suits me best personally, I want to read what is right. I have a New Living translation that was given to me as a gift and I have a King James Version, which I am sure was a gift as well, but I cannot remember from where; it is pink! Here comes the problem and the controversy. I can understand when reading the New Living and I cannot understand when reading the King James. I have heard time and time again that the newer translations are dangerous and change God’s Word and that the King James is the only one anyone should ever read. The pastor let us borrow a book called, “How We Got the Bible” by Neil R. Lightfoot. I have just recently finished it. I made 21 pages of notes, front and back. There is such an abundance of information in this book; I cannot even begin to explain to you in the way I want to. This book came at a time when I needed it most; I feel it is a God send and that He wanted to help me figure it out so that I can continue to grow closer with Him by reading the Word and understanding it. One of the coolest things I have learned about the Bible is the solid foundation it stands on. Jesus promised that His words would not pass away and there is much evidence that can be observed to show that this has been true. There is a massive quantity of ancient textual documents that have been discovered over the centuries, in the thousands, in reference to our Bible. The Bible is questioned, yet there are many classical writings that have never been questioned and they only survive by a handful of manuscripts. The quality of the materials found on the Bible text is also amazing. The majority of ancient writings are preserved based on text copies that are far from the date of their original composition, but this is not the case with the New Testament text. The Bible has been passed down through the centuries through written copies and when looking at the great amount of text there is to compare from different times and in different languages, you can see that great care was taken when doing so. The early Bibles were not in English, but in Latin, and the right of the common man to have his Bible in his own language was fought for. The first English translation of the complete Bible was done in about 1382 by a man named John Wycliffe. This version was based on the Latin Vulgate, however, which is a translation itself. William Tyndale was the first to create an English translation based on the original Greek and Hebrew languages of the Bible. His translations were not welcomed and he was an exiled man, imprisoned, and eventually burned at the stake. Tyndale established that the Bible should not only be in the language of the scholars but also in the language of the people. He helped give to us many cherished expressions such as, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock,” “daily bread,” and “only begotten son.” Other translations and revisions followed his and were based on his, one of them being a Bible that Shakespeare used, of the Jamestown settlement in Virginia, and the one brought to Plymouth on the Mayflower. In 1604 King James summoned a meeting of representatives of diverse religious groups to discuss the question of religious toleration, where the possibility of a new translation was raised, which I find ironic considering the fact that there are many King James fans that are not tolerant at all of other versions, and the start of the version began when talking about religious toleration. They did not make a new translation but a revision of the Bishops’ Bible of 1602. Greek and Hebrew scholars were selected and divided into six working companies and each company was given detailed instructions and was assigned selected books to be translated and the work of each company was sent to and reviewed by the other companies. It was the product of no one individual or group but the reviewers as a whole. When the first copies of this new edition were printed it was dedicated to the king and on the title page was written, “Appointed to be read in Churches.” Accompanying this was a preface entitled, “The Translators to the Reader.” The translators sought to justify their efforts against those that felt their old Bibles were good enough and there was no need for another. It is too bad this is no longer printed in most editions of the King James, especially for those who are always opposing new translations. The King James has been modernized considerably over the years. There have been so many changes that the King James reader of today would be startled by the appearance of the 1611 edition. The King James was produced in the period of Elizabethan prose and poetry, the age of Shakespeare, thus the style. Eighty percent of Tyndale’s translation is preserved today in the King James. For years, it has maintained great supremacy, so great that it has caused people to regard it as the final word on Bible translation, but no translation is ever final because translators are human beings and there will always be room for improvements and language changes are constant. A translator can only work in the light of the knowledge of his time with materials available to him and put his translation into words spoken by his own generation. The majority of modern day people do not understand Shakespeare, so how can they understand the King James that is written in that style? In the King James there are expressions that are no longer in use today and although they can be understood, they are difficult for the modern reader. Some words used then mean something different than they do today. The English translation had to start somewhere, and it did not start with the King James, and the King James is not even a translation of the original languages, it is a revision of a revision of a revision, and I cannot find solid reasons as to why so many people find it to be the only version that is okay to read. Contrary to claims, the New King James is not the first major revision of the King James. There are the Revised Version, the American Standard, the Revised Standard, and the New Revised Standard. No translation is perfect for everyone. There are translations made on a word-for-word principle and others made on a sense-for-sense. Every translation has its pros and cons. None of the major translations are so bad and no Greek text is so faulty as to lead one away from “the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.” That is a great deal of information I just gave on the subject and I tried to keep it short. I highly recommend reading the book; there is so much to the history of the Bible, and it is much more interesting than I thought it would be. If you know me, you know that I am not that into educational books. I have not decided what Bible to read yet; I still have some research to do.

A young woman named Ashley Weis has been inspiring to me; she encourages and teaches me and others through her words and her love of Jesus. I have no idea why she added me on Facebook, but I thank God that she did. In one of her more recent blogs, she used a quote of Gandhi’s; “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians; they are not like your Christ.”

http://blog.ashleyweis.com/2009/10/i-dont-like-your-christians.html

She went on to talk about things that non-Christians say about Christians, about how we are hypocrites and how we are no different than them in our daily lives, and that becoming a Christian does not seem to change the person. I have been this Christian they speak of. I have cared more about my own comfort and my own pleasures in this world and being in the here and now than I have cared about being a true Christian and following God’s Word, and it is the latter that is the most important overall. The things of this world and these empty things I have cared so much about are not going to matter one day and they are more likely to hurt than help me. Ashley has brought to my attention how desensitized we Christians are to the things around us that should offend us deeply. We often watch movies filled with religious profanities and nudity and never think twice about it. How can we be entertained by these things? Why are our favorite movies full of sin when we profess to love and serve God? Why are these the things we share and enjoy with those we love and care about instead of Jesus?

This video posted on another of Ashley’s blogs really helped open my eyes, and I have been reevaluating all of the things in my life and I am ashamed of what I am finding.

http://blog.ashleyweis.com/2009/10/sometimes-things-smack-you-in-heart.html

The world today is full of far too many distractions and there are far too many ways for Satan to tempt you and to lead you into sinful behaviors that are hard to break. The media fills our heads with opinions and ideas and mindless junk that take away from our being able to focus on what is really important and what God wants from us.

I recently began a discussion about pornography with a friend of mine. Here is a section that I replied back to him with at one time.

I refuse to participate in it any longer because of the ugly truth behind it, not only because of the hurt it causes people, but because I know, without a doubt, that God says no. You said God probably doesn’t want us to view porn, but that it’s been around since the first camera came out and that it’s something that will never go away. Just because it’s there and not going anywhere, I don’t think that makes it okay. You also say my beliefs are not wrong; they are just different from yours. I could break that down into a lot of crazy ways, because if you want to be literal about it then absolutely anything someone else thinks is okay really is okay, but someone else just might not agree with them. Terrible examples are murder, slavery, and sex trafficking. But then comes, well, it’s okay as long as it doesn’t harm someone else in doing it. Watching a porno at home all by my lonesome doesn’t hurt anyone, someone might say. But that’s not true. It can and does. It hurts the people involved with the porn industry, a lot of times the people that you are close to and love and care about, God, and yourself, yourself in ways you may not realize. This is a huge thing in the world of today, the whole you believe this and I believe that and that’s okie dokie, and I do understand where you’re coming from, because I’ve felt the same way before. You do what I call “tweaking.” You might remember me mentioning it in an earlier blog. I feel especially sad for you because you have been doing it for so much longer than me and habits can be so very hard to break, even if you know you should. What the world does is we pick and choose what we want to obey from God. We say, God loves me and I am a nice person and I do nice things, so these things here and there, they don’t really matter. At least I don’t do this or that, because those things are seriously terrible, more terrible than the sort of, kind of bad things I do. Or we just decide, well, I think I like it better this way, it suites me and/or those around me, so I will justify it somehow. And we mainly only do it because it gives us temporary pleasures in life. These things that mean so much here in this world don’t really mean squat overall. The more I have thought about the laws and the commandments God set, the more they make sense. The rules are for good reasons. If everyone followed them, everything would be great! Sexual sin helps spread disease, it leads to many abortions, and so much more. Sins relating to jealousy, lying, stealing, murdering, their effects are more obvious to most people. You say the only one that should judge me is God. You are absolutely right. I have sinned, as everyone does, and God will forgive me if I ask (and repent!) because He sent Jesus to die for me and I have accepted Jesus into my heart, but I have to try to follow Him and His Word, and I have to repent of the sins I have committed. How are fantasies a sin you ask? “You have heard that the Law of Moses says, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” –Matthew 5:27-28. This is something most people have a great deal of trouble with, including me. Our minds are so warped by media selling sex, sex, sex, that it comes to mind far too easily. “…if you break the smallest commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be great in the Kingdom of Heaven. But I warn you – unless you obey God better than the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees do, you can’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all!” –Matthew 5:19-20. So if viewing porn is a sin and you not only do it, but tell others it is no big deal, you will be least in the Kingdom of Heaven. And if you don’t even try to follow His laws, then you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all. Quite scary to think of. I am so ashamed of how I used to do, I used to teach others so many wrong things; I used to just do it my way. And people might say it makes God mean or bad or however you want to put it, for doing things that way, but He is a just God and considering what He has given us and what He can give to us in eternity with Him, the things of this world and all that mindless entertainment as I’ve heard it put, is just no comparison.

Towards the end of that section, where I mention that I used to teach others so many wrong things, directly and indirectly as a Christian; it bothers me so deeply. I can repent and be forgiven for doing so, but I cannot take it back and I cannot take back what damage I may have caused to the people that received what I said and did. I can only pray that they find the truth and do not carry on with my bad example. Once I wrote a letter speaking of God’s love to a girl that was in one of my high school classes. She cried and she thanked me and I do believe it touched her heart, but now I find myself not only wondering where she is in life right now (she moved away and I cannot locate her) but also wondering what in all exactly did I write in that letter? I hope I kept it strictly about God’s love and did not share Satan’s lies.

This is the first time in these 10 years of claiming to be a Christian that I am actually striving to be a Christian. I have been in a constant struggle with certain issues in my life for the past year or two and sometimes it only seems to be getting worse but this is the first time I have felt underlying all the hurt and anger and doubt a kind of peace. I want to accept what God wants for me, whatever it may be, whether it goes against my own personal desires or not. Some days I feel ready for that and some days I don’t.

I find myself feeling alone in this journey I have started towards God. People do not want to leave their comfort zones and what they are used to. They do not want to give up their sources of entertainment. They do not want to stop indulging in their pleasures, their sins. Come on though, really think about it. What is more important in the end? I guess I would rather be unsatisfied with my social circle now in this life than I would rather pass up on living an eternal life with the Lord. I would rather that every day be a struggle than the alternative.

I feel more ready than I ever have been to be baptized and I hope in doing so I find myself drawn closer to God.

Here are lyrics to 2 songs that have meant a great deal to me recently.

Relient K – Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind
But I will shy away from the specifics

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said that.

It’s the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talked to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough
And the things bottled inside had finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'd soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. I never should have said that.

It’s the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said that.

It’s the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I’m sorry for the person I became.
I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me.

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

Sanctus Real – Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly)

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender

To whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something Heavenly, something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly, something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

-ladyworpledinker

Extraordinary Women Conference 2009, Among Other Things

Where to begin? The beginning? I did so much and took in so much these past few days that it’s hard to sort it all through my own mind, much less tell it to others. So far, when I’ve been asked how it went, all I’ve been able to think to say is that it was great and that I enjoyed it, which is true, but it was really so much more than just that to me. Because of the fact that I have spent so much time away from people and social events the past, well, it has been almost a year by now, I felt quite overwhelmed in everything I did. Less than a few people really know about the kinds of issues I have, and during my trip I didn’t feel as constrained by those things. Really, I didn’t have much time to consider my fears or my doubts, and that was a blessing even though I felt so exhausted.

Aside from my packing throughout the day, it started on Thursday night. We (my Aunt Laura and Uncle Dale) went to a praise and worship service called “Rhythm.” It is the kind of thing that I would love to find in my own area to attend. Lately, I feel like God is constantly reaching out to me. It’s as if almost every service, every sermon, every e-mail, every thing that comes to my attention has been sent my way, for me. It’s amazing. Thank You, God. I have been asking God to please grab my attention, keep my attention, and help me to find my way to Him and what He wants from me and for me. I’ve asked Him to keep it coming, don’t let it stop, don’t let me go, because I am so weak and my mind is so stubborn. I know God is in control and that I can leave my every worry with Him, yet, I am always picking them back up. I know the material things of this world will mean nothing when it’s all said and done, yet, I worry over what I have and yearn for what I don’t. I have thoughts and habits that I know I need to break, yet, I find it so hard to let go. What is really cool about Rhythm is that I can share the exact message that was given that night with you. I look forward to listening to older ones and future ones myself. The part of the message that got to my heart the most was about the people who don’t favor themselves. That’s me. Especially lately, especially during the trials I am currently going through. I tell myself almost daily, and aloud, that I hate myself. That if I weren’t such a coward, and that if I would just suck it up and be a “normal” person that things would be different, that things would get better. That it is my fault that we are stuck and that I am causing more pain and more suffering for my husband and our marriage and our life because of the way I am. To listen to the same message I heard when there, go to the link below, and play the one underneath the date of September 25, 2009 and called “James Part 3.” I really hope you will. If you do, please let me know what you think or just that you have.

http://rhythmva.com/podcasts/

On Friday, I went to work with Laura. In order to make sure I get this right I am going to borrow some text from their website and Laura can get after me and tell me if I get it wrong. Their organization assists individuals with brain injuries. Currently, they are getting ready to close their doors because of state budget cuts. They are having different fundraisers in order to try and save it until they are able to get state funding again in June of next year. I helped with their spaghetti dinner fundraiser. On Friday I helped them set up and prepare for it, and on Saturday I helped while it went on and helped clean up afterwards. I had an especially nice time with these people. They were all so friendly and warm, it was a blessing to meet and spend that short time with every one of them, and I was glad to be part of such a good cause. If you’d like to be a part of it too, you can go to the link below.

http://www.phoenixstarclubhouse.org/getinvolved1.php

Here is a picture of some of the people I worked with.

To the far left, Charles, then Jon Weems. Standing, Juanita and myself. Down in front, Laura. To the far right, Chris.

Also, I would like to acknowledge more about Jon Weems. I had heard of him and his musical talents through my Aunt Laura and was very glad to meet him for the first time at Rhythm. He performed at the spaghetti dinner and is selling CDs for the cause, which you can find more information about through the page link I gave above. The first song I ever heard by him was, “I Hope to Fly Again.” Here below is a wonderful animated video he made to go along with it.

For more information about Jon Weems you can visit these links.

http://jonweems.hostrack.com/

http://www.myspace.com/jonathanweems

http://www.facebook.com/weemsjon

After spending the day Friday with Laura and her co-workers, Laura and I went to the Roanoke Civic Center for the start of the “Extraordinary Women Conference.” There was music from Charles Billingsley and Natalie Grant. Karen Kingsbury, a bestselling Christian fiction author, was awarded Extraordinary Woman of the Year. A comedian, Anita Renfroe, performed and there were songs that many of you may have heard before by receiving them through e-mail, such as I have, them being her parody to Faith Hill’s “Breathe” and her song containing all the things a mom may say in a 24 hour period condensed into less than 3 minutes. Another good one she did was her parody to “You Raise Me Up.” I did bring my camera, but unfortunately, it will only hold so much and I mostly saved it for one speaker in particular, which I will post when I get that far. Here are more links below.

http://www.charlesbillingsley.com/

http://www.myspace.com/charlesbillingsley

http://www.facebook.com/charlesbillingsley

http://nataliegrant.com/

http://www.myspace.com/nataliegrant

http://www.facebook.com/nataliegrantmusic

http://www.karenkingsbury.com/

http://www.anitarenfroe.com/

All day Saturday was the remainder of the Extraordinary Women Conference. There was more music with Charles Billingsley and also with Amy Grant. All the speakers were fantastic. There was Karen Kingsbury, Nancy DeMoss, Stormie Omartian, and Candace Cameron Bure, better known to most as D.J. Tanner from “Full House.” Julie Clinton is the president of Extraordinary Women and introduced most of the speakers. She is the author of “Extraordinary Women” and “Living God’s Dream for You.” Her daughter, Megan Clinton, shortly spoke as well about 2 books she has written for teens, “Totally God’s” and “Totally God’s 4 Life.” Karen Kingsbury is a bestselling author of many Christian fiction novels. Nancy DeMoss has written books such as, “Lies Women Believe” and “Choosing Forgiveness.” Stormie Omartian is the author of several different books about the power of praying. A young woman from Africa, I’m afraid I can’t recall her name, spoke about being helped through the program, “Compassion.” Another young woman that I can’t recall the name of, spoke about being helped through another program, “National House of Hope,” and she sang “Amazing Grace” beautifully. Every speaker was really awesome and I wish I could share every bit of what was said. It is possible that after a time other people that attended will upload video clips from this day to someplace such as YouTube, and then I may be able to come back to this and share. For now, I can share links to more information about some of the speakers and musicians, and about some of the programs that were mentioned and promoted.

http://www.amygrant.com/

http://www.myspace.com/amygrant

http://www.facebook.com/amygrant

http://www.ewomen.net/julie-clinton-ma

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/aboutus/nancy.php

http://www.stormieomartian.com/

http://www.candacecameronbure.net/archives.php

http://www.compassion.com/

http://nationalhouseofhope.org

http://www.remudaranch.com/

http://www.onemillionmoms.com/

The speaker that I saved my camera space for was Cameron Candace Bure. She was the last speaker of the day, and Laura and I did have to leave early in order to go and help with the spaghetti dinner fundraiser. I do believe I caught most of her speech, I think it was very lucky we caught any of it at all, because I know we stayed later than we originally intended. I couldn’t zoom in close enough to see the actual her very well on stage, but I wanted to show her actually on stage, rather than only on the screen, so I switched back and forth between the views for a bit of both. I really liked her message because I have gone through some of the same things she expressed, and I believe a great deal of other people have too or are at this very moment, and this message could definitely wake them up.

On the way out, it was pouring rain, and Laura and I got soaked as we looked for her vehicle. Next time I take a trip anywhere, I have got to remember to bring along a jacket and an umbrella!

This trip was truly wonderful and I would do it all over again, but I have to say, I was really looking forward to going home to my own bed. So, of course, on the way home, the car started acting up. Thankfully, there was an exit coming up and we pulled into the nearest lit area, which was a gas station closed for the night. After Robert decided it was not safe to try and keep driving the car home, he called AAA and asked to be towed home. While waiting, a car with what looked to be a teenage boy and a teenage girl pulled in and off to the side. Another car showed up with a few more teenagers after a short time. They got out and changed their clothes somewhat inside their cars and outside as well. No, we didn’t see anything if you are wondering. They smoked cigarettes and talked and ran around together. Some of them tugged on the locked door of the store. Robert said the police were likely to show up if anyone saw any of this and called it in or if they set off any alarms. Sure enough, a cop car did show up, but not until after they had gone. About 5 other cars full of teenagers pulled in and stopped long enough to talk for a minute, and then all of them left. I prayed for them, whatever they may have been doing that night and for whatever kind of lives they lead. Shortly after, the police officer came and we never knew if he came because someone called about all the others or what, but he just asked about us, checked Robert’s license, then said he would check back later to see that AAA came and got us. It was about a 2 hour wait from the time we called. During that time, I kept dozing off. I had Robert to turn on the heat every once in a while because it helped me fall asleep. I had been so cold during my trip because I didn’t think about it being cold there, and I had no jacket, so it felt so wonderful. The cop came back and circled around while our car was being loaded. The guy that towed us didn’t seem too cheerful at first, I do know he did try and get Robert to have the car brought into a garage to be worked on the next day and have someone else come get us for the time being, but the best option for us was to be towed the rest of the way home, which was about 89 more miles. He did say that he had just accidentally broken someone’s BMW window though when trying to unlock it for them, so maybe he was just irked about that. Robert seemed to loosen him up though and on the way they talked about different things, such as the economy and jobs they’ve had. I learned that he had a wife and kids, that he enjoyed being outdoors, hunting and fishing, and with the job schedules between him and his wife that they see each other only about an hour in total every week on average. I prayed for them too.

And so, I am home and am recuperating. I have slept a lot. I did still go to church on Sunday, but by myself, Robert needed to work on the car and dropped me off and picked me up in the truck. It is Monday now as I write this and the car isn’t fixed yet, but hopefully it won’t be too long. I don’t know exactly what is wrong with it, something about an axle, maybe. Ask Robert!

An Extraordinary Women Conference is being held next year at the very same location and the sooner you buy tickets the less it costs, so be sure to check it out if you’re interested. I think that the more the merrier so maybe if I’m able to go again, some of my friends will attend with me?

I hope to discover more things such as from this weekend to get involved in on a more regular basis. I pray that I continue to grow closer to God, and that I have the sense and understanding to go where and do what God leads me to. And I pray the same for YOU!

-ladyworpledinker

Chris Brown

I am certain that most people, regardless of their taste in music or lack of interest in keeping up with what is in the now, know of Chris Brown and the incident that happened between him and Rihanna because of the widespread media attention it received and the cruel jokes that spread throughout the Internet. I know I haven't seen and heard half as much as most probably have because I don't have "television" and don't follow along with all of it online because I know a great deal of coverage, especially on celebrities, can be false because of rumors and because sometimes someone just wants a "good" story to up their ratings.

Today, via YouTube, I watched Larry King Live's interview with Chris Brown. His mother and attorney were present as well. I have to say I am impressed. I admire many of the things that were said. The interview was divided into 5 parts and I rated 5 stars on a few and commented why as well.

His mother commented when asked, that she forgave her son not only because he is her son, but because she would (I say, try to) forgive anyone, because she's not one to judge anyone else, she doesn't have the right to. If only everyone had that point of view. We are all imperfect in so many ways, and just because one person's imperfection is out there for everyone else to see, doesn't make your or my own imperfections any less than theirs. I cannot imagine being in the public eye like Chris Brown and Rihanna or as other celebrities are. They have to be strong to ignore so much criticism (and lies said) about every little aspect of their lives. (Off subject, but I am still amazed and appalled at how big of a deal people made about Jessica Simpson and her weight gain a while back. How stupid!) I can hardly take the little criticism I get myself. I would surely have a nervous breakdown and that would only be more for them to feed off of!

Chris was, of course, asked to explain what exactly happened that night. Chris said he was sorry, but he did not want to disrespect Rihanna's or his own privacy about the matter. Way to go! It happened between the two of them and it should stay between the two of them. It is not our business, regardless of their celebrity statuses. If they wanted to share, fine. But they don't and no one should have a problem with that. We should not get entertainment value out of the problems and sufferings of others.

I do not excuse him for what he did to Rihanna, but I do forgive him. I applaud him for the way he has handled the aftermath. He has apologized. He accepts and is taking responsibility for his actions and he does not believe his punishment is unfair or unjust. I think it says a lot of him that he refuses to share every intimate detail with the world. It only makes the public angrier and attack him more. If you don't believe that, just take a look at some of the comments made on the YouTube interview videos. All most people watched it for was the juicy details, which most would have only used as more ammunition against him and possibly Rihanna. He could have spilled it all to satisfy people and their sick curiosity. He could have told it all (truth or lie) and uncovered the fact that Rihanna did do something that merited his being angry. Not as an excuse for what happened, because it is completely inexcusable, but to imply that she did mess up as well and try to put a small part of blame on her. But he didn't. He has the sense to know that what he did was completely wrong and the heart to not drag Rihanna through the dirt any more than she already has been, because whether or not she did say or do something to stir him up, what he did was him and him alone. We are all affected by our environments. They help shape us into the people we become, but only we can choose how we are going to handle the world around us.

The rich and famous need prayer too. We are all people no matter how different we are and no matter what our circumstances are. Regardless of any kind of "status" one has, we all make mistakes, big and small. You can look at what someone else has done, you can look at what Chris has done, and you can say to yourself that there is no way you would ever do such a thing and that he must be a really terrible person. But, you need to remember that you haven't lived their life, that you haven't walked in their shoes, and that you aren't the one that has to live with the consequences and with the guilt that this person has to because of the err in judgment they have made. They may want to take it back with all they have and they can't. And I'm sure we have all felt that way about something we've done too. And I'm sure others have looked at some of the choices we have made ourselves and shook their heads as well. We are all more alike in our shortcomings than we are different, whether we want to acknowledge it or not.

People can say a lot of things about this blog. They can say that all media coverage is completely staged. They can say all of this interview was set up and arranged to appeal to people like me and for me to come to the conclusions that I have. I'm not going to argue that point. I have only taken what is there and given my opinions, so take it or leave it.



-ladyworpledinker

Shelley Lubben

I have been rooting for Shelley Lubben and her ministry for quite some time. Tonight I listened to an interview she did, and I just really want to share. I know my blog is viewed by very few, but if there is a chance that one person who needs to hear it will by coming across it, then it is most definitely worth taking the time to do this.

The interview is very lengthy, but it is so worth taking the time to listen to. I have listened to her story many times and it will never get old hearing about the love of God she has to share.

I don't know how long the link for the interview will be up and working, but if I find a more permanent source later on, I will come back and replace it.

http://www.gcast.com/u/KelticKen/www_thepinkcross_org?nr=1&&s=400251317

Please pray for this cause. The men and women out there in porn need all the help they can get. Those out there that view porn need prayer too. It is not harmless. It is a big deal. It took me a long time to realize that. Yes, I used to love to watch porn. I am still weak about it. It was just earlier today (yesterday, considering the time I'm typing this) when I thought of it. If you just have to, go ahead and judge me and judge them. Just don't forget to judge yourself while you're at it.

If you pass this on to others, pray about it, or even just take the time to read and listen yourself, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For more information about Shelley Lubben's ministry, you can visit:

http://www.shelleylubben.com/

http://www.thepinkcross.org/

http://www.myspace.com/shelleylubben

http://www.myspace.com/pinkcrossfoundation

http://www.facebook.com/shelleylubben

http://www.youtube.com/slubben

-ladyworpledinker

Bible Versions

Well, tonight the pastor had his visit with us, and it’s really too bad I let myself waste so much energy on being worried and stressed over such things. He hung around and chatted with us for about 2 hours. Of course, I personally didn’t do much chatting, but I really loved listening. I do love to talk as well as listen, but it just doesn’t come as naturally to me when it comes to someone I don’t know well and I haven’t gotten on a personal comfortable level with. Even when I get to that point with a person, I’m not that great at talking! I’m the kind of person that needs time to gather my thoughts before I say anything. Like, I can come up with some great comebacks, but they come far too long after the fact, so I never get to use them. That’s one reason I love the internet! It’s perfectly acceptable to sit and think first about how you want to respond to something online. Honestly, I guess I must always do it anyway, because Robert is always interrupting me, and he says it’s because I pause too long between saying things.

Robert and the pastor talked a great deal about computers. It seems every time we have company now that Robert has himself someone to talk computers with. You would think I would learn something, but it all goes over my head. If I were trying to learn I would probably interrupt with questions so often that an actual conversation may never get going.

Penelope finally made an appearance, probably already at least an hour into the visit, and I learned that the pastor really likes cats and has 2 of his own. Robert seemed more open to the idea, when it came from the pastor, that dogs such as Rottweilers aren’t just simply mean, they can be made mean, just as any other dog can be. He sure didn’t seem to believe it coming from me before!

As the pastor was leaving, Robert thought to ask about the different bible versions. I am really glad he did, because for quite some time I especially have wanted to hear more about it from someone who knows their stuff, and the pastor sounds like he definitely does in this area of information.

When I was a teenager, my aunt Laura gave me a New Living Translation bible as a gift. I have always loved it, although I have never read through the entire bible. I have no excuses for that, but for the past few months I have been trying to read it daily, for the most part. Only thing is, I have been trying to read this King James Version I have. As I’ve begun more seriously trying to build my relationship with God, I have been hearing more of the conflicts people have over the different versions of the bible, and I have basically felt influenced to stick to the King James Version until I have figured it out. I have so much trouble understanding it though. Sometimes I have been able to understand something after rereading it over and over again, but sometimes I never do, and I don’t want that. I have asked Robert about things, but sometimes even he doesn’t know the answers I’m seeking, and he was brought up with that belief that the King James Version is the only version, although he is also seeking more information about it now, obviously. My first thought with the conflict was to just stick to the bible I was used to, of course. But as I’ve said before, I used to do a lot of tweaking when it came to my Christianity just to make myself comfortable, so I later begin to feel like I better find out more about it, because I don’t want to ignore the right way to go just because it suites me better. I don’t want to do that anymore. There is no telling how many terrible examples I set in high school doing that kind of thing and there’s no going back.

So, about my baptism. The pastor doesn’t feel comfortable enough with his leg that he hurt yet. He said he has a few others wanting to be baptized as well, and he is thinking on waiting maybe about another month. I will definitely let everyone know!

Another thing I would like to share about is the Operation Christmas Child program. I had never heard about it before, but it was mentioned in a church bulletin. It sounds like a wonderful program.

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

The bulletin says the bus (I am assuming the church bus) is going to Charlotte in the beginning of December to help pack shoe boxes for this cause and to sign up if you’d like to join them. I would love to help with something like this, but of course, I’m so unsure if I really could.

This past Sunday we went to a spaghetti lunch after church service to benefit one of the youth programs and we were invited to Sunday school. I think I would love to do that as well, but I’m not sure if Robert will join me. Maybe he will help me get started anyway.

-ladyworpledinker